I Expected Weekly Rendezvous

Gosh, it's been awhile since I last posted. Really, the best reason I can give you for my absence is that I haven't done anything relating to our open marriage since seeing Dale. It's funny, I thought Juarez and I would each have weekly rendezvous with friends with benefits and casual sex partners that would somehow just ooze out of the woodwork. It's not turning out that way, though.

I'm not entirely sure how it's going for Juarez, he hasn't mentioned anyone new lately - and I'm not sure if he's still talking to Iris... But for me, it's like this: Someone finds me online (or I find them) and their pictures have me really wanting to meet them, their profile is pretty cool too. Then, they start talking - their desperation becomes all too evident and I lose all interest. This has happened with numerous guys who I probably would have loved to meet, if they hadn't ruined it for themselves (and me).

At this point, I'm only interested in my husband - and Mitch, but who knows if or when I'll see him again. And I don't have a whole lot of faith in OKC. It would be great if meeting people in person wasn't so difficult.

RE: Damaged

I mostly try not to read Bunny's posts - but this post kind of.. I dunno. I really don't know what to think of it.

I don't feel as if Bunny is damaged.. but no matter how well I feel I know her, she knows herself better. I just feel kind of concerned as she is saying this is possibly a serious underlying factor in why she wants to have an open marriage - and I never knew anything of the sort.

Moving on -- I don't want to dwell on things. I feel like I could just as easily be monogamous with Bunny as I could be in an open relationship. Well.. easier, really. As it is still a work-in-progress for me. Just kind of concerning.. I dunno. Whatever.

Dale was a Disappointment

I saw someone a few days ago. Saturday night, after I finished an 8 hour shift at work. My feet were dying. I really didn't even feel like it - but the guy was from Austin, and basically came to San Antonio just to see me. So, I dealt with it.

I think his name was Dale. Dale was a disappointment. I won't go into too much detail, but you should know that he was not very well endowed. After I'd become bored by his deficient attempts to pleasure me, I told him that my husband would be home soon; so I really had to leave. That wasn't quite true, but I felt that - in this situation - it would be nicer to lie than to tell the truth.

It was not a good experience.

So I've made myself a new rule. First meetings must be without expectations. If I am attracted to a person, it'll happen. If not, I have an easy out. 

Why I Love My Wife

Bunny will ask me every-now-and-then, "Why do you love me?" And I'll tell her most of the time, sometimes I just feel kind of lame rehashing the same tired lines I used before, or that are totally cliche -- whatever.

I love my wife for a lot of reasons, but mostly the way she makes me feel... it's incredible. I will try to describe it;

Nothing has every prepared me to feel the way I feel about my wife. Nothing. I haven't read it in literature, seen it in movies, heard it in music. And there are a million and one ways each of those mediums can describe the way love feels. And not that what my description is anything new, it's probably rehashed as well - but it's mine.

She makes me feel like I'm 10 feet tall. That I live in a world that others only hear or read about. A world that is above everybody else - a different planet. I walk down the isles of any store and I know I'm the luckiest motherfucker in the store - because I love and have the love of a beautiful and incredible woman. I would compare it to how it must feel to be a performer, after you've just finished a gig in front of an arena full of people. A small percentage of people ever get to feel that - I feel that only a small percentage of people will ever feel what we feel.

I know it's love because it's so much better than anything I ever heard about.

Okay; now time to tie this into the OM.

I still at times feel a little -- anxious when I know she's out. I try to distract myself from thinking about anything. But I've learned from the last time she was out -- just skip all the dramatics. In an hour or two you're going to be okie-dokie. I also focus on the things that the other guys don't get.

They don't sit in the restroom with her, while she's taking a bath. They don't sit nekkid on the couch and play videogames or watch netflix. They don't get hugs and kisses on demand... not that I demand them, but you know what I mean.

That's it.