Ahhhh Fuck..

As compelled as I am to read the posts my wife has made, as of right now I don't believe that is a good idea. All I'm going to assume you know about me is that I'm in an open marriage. I think you need to know a little bit more about me; and I'm not talking about my life-story, because that really isn't the subject here.

Okay, so I'm "Juarez." Open marriage.

My wife asks why I want to be in an open marriage pretty often. And I really never give her an answer, I just give her short answers that really never answer the question. Let's see.. why do I want to be in an open marriage? Why not? There is so much we can learn about ourselves and each other. I thrive on emotion; good or bad - especially when the emotions are extreme.

The bad: it's still kind of hard when she goes out to play. I know she loves me and it's just sex but that's my wife. She means everything to me - she is my world. It's not even so much the sex that bothers me.. I just kind of build things up in my head - she is getting her world rocked, by what she see's as the perfect body, the perfect cock, the perfect lay. He's doing shit I don't know how to do, hitting spots I'm not physically capable of hitting, whatever. And this is all totally possible. She may very-well meet this guy and fuck him.

But it goes a little beyond that... it's a matter of ego. Not mine, but the other guys. I don't want my wife stroking anyone else's ego, but mine. Maybe that stems from my sexual past - sex was a total ego-boost for me. I wasn't derogatory toward the women or anything about it - it was all in my head. I just don't want a guy to feel like he has power over my wife, or me just because he got to roll around in bed with a married woman.

This totally makes zero sense, but whatever.

As far as her sleeping with other guys, that's totally fine. It's an awesome feeling that my wife can sleep with whomever she wants, but comes home to me. I'm not sure if that makes sense either. It does bother me a bit if she does perform oral-sex but I'm sure my tongue will be getting a workout or two. Gotta pay to play, I guess - and that's kind of the price.

All in all, I don't think it's all that bad. I do kind of freak-out a bit when she gets home, and get really emotional and kind of clam-up, but it's just my way of dealing with everything. The last time was easier to deal with than the first. I figure it will continue to get easier.

The good: The sex we have been having has been great. She told me that she realizes that she needs to be a little more active in bed. It is much appreciated, I love it.

Being able to have sex with whoever I want, is great as well. Even though I've yet to take advantage of the arrangement, the freedom to do so is great. It's also really awesome that we don't have to sneak around, or keep things from each other.

We are still young and kid-free, so... we have the freedom and are not responsible for anyone other than each other. I think this is the time to really have fun, with ourselves and with others.

I'm sure I sound... I dunno, new to all this. There might be a certain naivety/newness I'm going to laugh at when I read this in a year or two or ten from now. But today, I think this is going to be great for us, if for nothing else to have a little fun.