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As I've gone totally encounter-less since we've re-entered our open marriage, it's gotten me to thinking "What am I doing wrong?" I used to have a fairly healthy sex life when I was single. Sex was something that required little effort - but I was younger, thinner and single.

I've pinpointed what I'm doing wrong is being lazy. I've not ventured out of the house, on the prowl. Something that is seeming more and more necessary by the day. I am much better looking in person than I am in a photograph on a computer screen.

Online vs. In Person

In a photo, I'm a "maybe/maybe not" kind of guy - you're just not getting the full experience. You're getting a sip, when in person you're getting the full drink. You get to see my size, my strength, the confidence I ooze. And yes, I ooze. I've been told I have a nice voice - rendered useless if I'm communicating by text/email/chat. Though, like Bunny blogged about prior, my balls are ten times bigger online than they are in person. Not to say I'm a little bitch whose balls shrink from grapes to raisins (no, that is not to scale) but various things come into play in person. I'm totally oblivious to women's advances.

Bunny has pointed out when women flirt with me after the fact, and I was totally clueless. So, I can't exactly throw game to a woman I'm not aware is flirting with or attracted to me. Plus, it's much easier to take rejection in the form of text than it is in person.

So I've come to the conclusion - while I do have a chance of hooking-up online, I have a much better chance hooking-up in person.

Lack of Approach

As I've become discouraged about my chances of hooking-up online, I've become more lazy with every email or message. I used to go from reading profiles, picking out what I want to comment about, add a dash of humor, flirt a little bit. Done. There was no wondering if she was going to reply, just when. And upon meeting, there was no wondering if we were going to have sex. Wasn't even a thought - it was just and always was DONE! All I needed was a sound clip of Gordon Ramsey, "Done." upon closing.

But now, it's fucking tragic. You think Titanic (the movie, not the actual event) was sad? That shit doesn't even compare to the "Hey, I'm Juarez. What's up?" shit I've put out there. What the fuck is that, bro? Or even " Lemme know." What, are you serious? Stop it, just stop it. I can't even take the time to type out "let me" - and that's supposed to get this woman to want to put my penis anywhere in or around her?

So, until I do get my ass out and about, I must refine my approach to what it used to be.

I in no way blame this on women not wanting to have relations with a married man, I've slept with women that were married or in very serious, very long-term relationships. So that's not it - it's just I am too fucking lazy to want to have sex.

So with that, I am done. Done with the laziness and done with the post.

Good Night and Good Luck.

-Juarez

Internet Gives You BALLS!

For a short time, I worked for one of the best wedding planners in my city. During that time, I helped her decorate for weddings. Her family is very involved in the business, so I am familiar with all of them; her husband and her two sons. Her husband has always been very friendly (normal friendly, not I-want-to-jump-your-bones "friendly") but her sons barely ever spoke to me.

Yesterday, I received a message on OKCupid.

Hey There

So, I'm into the 420 (I actually work in drug reform and legalization) and have been looking for a chill fuck buddy and you seem perfect!

Let me know if you're up for it.

Okay, that's cool - my profile is pretty cannabis friendly, so the fact that this guy works in drug reform and legalization is really interesting. After all, it's cool to connect with people you actually have something in common with. After reading the message, my eyes focus in on his picture - not bad; but why does he look so familiar?...

Further inspection of his profile and pictures quickly gave him away. He's my ex boss's son. My ex boss's son, who never really talked to me in real life - even though we spent hours working together. Wow. Interesting.

Umm... You're [wedding coordinator]'s son, right? I guess you don't remember me?  

While I waited for his response, Juarez and I laughed at the randomness and awkwardness of the situation.

Woah! I thought you looked slightly familiar! I have a pretty bad memory :-/

Well, haha, I hope this isn't too ridiculously awkward!

And before I could respond, he sent another message...

My original message still stands, by the way, haha, awkwardness or not.

Wow, I'm just astonished. This dude NEVER spoke to me, now he sees me online and his balls have dropped?! What the hell? As cool as he probably is, his profile states that he's 5'7 (and I think he was being a bit generous with himself, on that one) - and I'm 5'11. I have a serious distaste for fucking guys that are shorter than I am. Generally, it's a deal breaker. This time is not any different.

Hmm.. I don't know about the fuck buddy thing - I have a thing about guys being taller than me.. Hope that doesn't offend you, it's not meant to.

But if you wanna smoke, that'd be cool. I never would have guessed.. lol 

He hasn't responded, so maybe it did offend him.